At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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