He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize