so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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