I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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