I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize