Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize