I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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