well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize