i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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