ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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