my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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