it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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