i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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