I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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