i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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