he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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