Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize