yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize