guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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