I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize