we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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