True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
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It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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