happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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