The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The Olympian is in my bed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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