you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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