I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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