My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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