Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i love accidental penises.
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My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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