he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize