it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize