I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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