Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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