the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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