Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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