Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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