if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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