Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
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im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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