Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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