so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize