im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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