im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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