There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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