and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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