I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize