Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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