i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize