Soap is not a condiment
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize