it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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