You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just puked most of my soul out..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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