thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize